http://blogs.jta.org/ENTRY_PERMALINK_HERE/ask-the-expert-how-to-say-youre-sorry/ This week The Expert answers a very pressing High Holiday question: How am I supposed to apologize to people? en-us theexpert@jta.org Copyright 2009 2009-09-18T;20:17:00-05:00 rebgoldie@gmail.com Another dimension of teshuvah is knowing that you feel hurt BY someone. If you have been avoiding someone at work, family, community, etc. out of anger or hurt, you may have, as Rabbi Zalman Schachter-Shalomi explains, a missed appointment - anger and hurt are usually a disappointment, a missed appointment with an expectation, the root underneath the anger. Consider calling that person to say: “You may have noticed our relationship isn’t where it used to be and I’d love us to take time to get on a better keel, because I value our connection. (Or because it’s distorting our life in the family, or the community or....) I’d be happy to listen non-defensively to what happened for you that lead to what hurt me. Not now, let’s set and appointment and both prepare for that meeting, preferably in person or Skype with video, not on the phone...would you be open to meeting?” Even if you only plant the seed of possible teshuvah and the person says, I’m not ready to do this, something holy will may have taken root that will unfold as the years go by.  Rabbi Goldie Milgram, author, Reclaiming Judaism as a Spiritual Practice: Shabbat and Holy Days (Jewish Lights Publishing) Another dimension of teshuvah is knowing that you feel hurt BY someone. If you have been avoiding someone at work, family, community, etc. out of anger or hurt, you may have, as Rabbi Zalman Schachter-Shalomi explains, a missed appointment - anger and hurt are usually a disappointment, a missed appointment with an expectation, the root underneath the anger.
Consider calling that person to say: “You may have noticed our relationship isn’t where it used to be and I’d love us to take time to get on a better keel, because I value our connection. (Or because it’s distorting our life in the family, or the community or....) I’d be happy to listen non-defensively to what happened for you that lead to what hurt me. Not now, let’s set and appointment and both prepare for that meeting, preferably in person or Skype with video, not on the phone...would you be open to meeting?”
Even if you only plant the seed of possible teshuvah and the person says, I’m not ready to do this, something holy will may have taken root that will unfold as the years go by.  Rabbi Goldie Milgram, author, Reclaiming Judaism as a Spiritual Practice: Shabbat and Holy Days (Jewish Lights Publishing)

]]> 2012-05-24T;14:04:00-05:00